Now it's time for something a little different. The following message is based on a real message from the president of the Slippery Rock University of Pennsylvania.

Dear new student #417-8122-32,

Welcome to Slippery Rock University of Dover (SRUD)! Discover what a special place this is!

You will not only find a beautiful, historic campus spreading over 600 acres of slippery rocks but also an interested faculty committed to helping you succeed in traversing those rocks, both inside and outside the traditional classroom. The faculty at Slippery Rock University are dedicated to your learning experience. Our vision is to create for you a caring community of lifelong learners connecting with the world via telephones, fax machines, and even the so-called "Internet."

I believe you'll be excited about the possibilities we offer. Here you will find classes taught by professors, not students. You will participate in class discussions, work on group projects, and "spend time" with professors after class. You will find the latest technology to help you prepare for the complex demanding digital world (not to be confused with the real world, which has no imaginary part). You will be offered internships and experiences that prepare you for your career and for leadership opportunities.

I believe you'll be excited about the opportunities we offer. Last year, over 200 of our 56,000 students presented, exhibited, or performed original works or research at regional, state, national, international, and intergalactic professional meetings. These types of real life experiences are the opportunities that provide a link between the classroom and the world beyond our campus. Last year, we placed 96% of our graduates in either a graduate/professional program or on to the first step of their career. The remaining 4% fell into an on-campus slot canyon and we anticipate rescuing them shortly.

Success at Slippery Rock University is all about choices: Choices you make to achieve your goals. If you chose to fall into a slot canyon, then that is your choice. We believe you control your destiny. Standing behind you are almost 1,000 members of our faculty and staff pledged to help you (and our two million other alumni).

Best Wishes,

William D. Smythe, President, Slippery Rock University of Dover

The animal shown (the president) is a Eurasian lynx (Lynx lynx, or sometimes Lynx borealis). Lynx eat reindeer. Run Rudolph, run!

The image of the lynx is based on an illustration in Brehms Tierleben (English: Brehm's Life of Animals) by Alfred Edmund Brehm (1829–1884) et al. (That book is available online at BioLib.de.)